Evil

I wrote this post back in early October but it remained in draft status until now.  I’ve been reluctant to publish it because it is a very serious one – and strange as well.  Although I consider myself a serious person, I have generally tried to keep my posts light and upbeat; maybe even a little silly sometimes.  But, I have finally found the nerve  -so here goes:

I had a terrifying experience many years ago that I’ve rarely discussed, mainly because I figured that it would be met with disbelief or laughed at.

I was clerking in a store, alone, in mid-afternoon, when a man entered .  At the very moment he came through the door it felt like the temperature in the store had  dropped twenty degrees, and yet, though suddenly chilled,  I began to sweat profusely.  I could feel it running down my back as well as down my sides from my underarms.  Beads of sweat also broke out on my forehead and on my upper lip.  I had the feeling that all the hairs on my body were standing up straight, although they obviously weren’t.  I got shaky inside and felt a fear, such as I’ve never felt before or since.

It didn’t occur to me that I was in any physical danger or that I might be robbed. There was nothing overtly threatening about the man.  He appeared to be in his mid-thirties.  He had close cropped black hair and was quite  handsome, in that there was a perfection of his facial features, not in the sense of Hollywood handsome.  He wore an expensive tailored dark suit, white dress shirt with gold cuff links, and a dark tie with a Windsor knot and gold tie pin.  His black dress shoes had a perfect shine.

It is amazing that after all these years I can still vividly recall his features.  He was not a large man – more the size of a middleweight boxer, about 5 foot 8 and maybe slightly less than 160 pounds.  I got the sense, though, just by the way he carried himself that he was in excellent shape and strong – that he could really hurt you if he was so inclined.

He went directly to the magazine rack, and after looking at a few he selected one and brought it to the counter.  My hands were shaking as I rang up the sale, gave him his change and put the magazine in a paper bag.  Neither of us spoke.  I couldn’t have if I’d wanted to.  Then he turned and left.

The moment he was out the door everything returned to normal, and I was left wondering what had just happened.  It was like a supernatural experience.  It made absolutely no sense – – A well dressed man walked into the store, purchased a magazine and left – and I had felt a terror so great that I can’t even describe. And it still shakes me up when I think about it, even today, so many years later.

The only rational explanation I can come up with is that that man was putting out vibes that I was sensitive to, and those vibes were so far from “good” that they absolutely terrified me.  Sometimes I think that for those few moments I was in the presence of absolute evil.   And I consider that if it were possible that there were such a thing as absolute evil, would it be unreasonable to think  that the absolute opposite exists – something we might call God?

Well, that’s it.  Now you can probably understand why I was reluctant to publish.

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4 Comments

Filed under Reminiscences

4 responses to “Evil

  1. naturgesetz

    It’s a fascinating experience. I can believe that there was something about him which caused the reaction. In other words it wasn’t just in your mind. I can believe that if you hadn’t been so horrified, if you had found nothing repellent about him, he might have been able to get you to become associated with him in some way.

    You know that I believe that there is indeed a God. And I believe that your reaction that day was a form of choosing to stand with God rather than with evil.

    • Ed

      Thank you for your comment.

      It seems absurd that if asked what was the scariest thing that happened in my life, I would have to respond: “A man walked into a store and then walked out.” That it still rattles around in my mind and occasionally comes to the surface after so many years bothers me. It causes me to consider questions that have no answers.

      I have to admit that my belief in a God can often change from hour to hour. That is a sad state. I truly envy both the believer and the atheist.

  2. (re your previous comment : I can often see both sides of a question – the defence case as well as the prosecution – why ‘n’ tries to reconcile his faith with his homosexuality as opposed to my Partner who is an engineer and a devout atheist. I sometimes think it’s why I’m a Liberal – in the European sense of that word; because I can usually see both sides of a question.)

    Anyway – back to your post.

    Well done for writing it and having inherited from my mother the merest glimmerings of what I shrink from calling psychic awareness, I can certainly identify with your feeling of dread, danger and (just maybe) evil. I too have felt this of others – but I’ve also felt joy, generosity and love.

    I do not believe in any god nor in any devil. I do not find either proposition the least bit logical – but that doesn’t stop men ‘transmitting’ frighteningly bad or resoundingly good vibes and presence.

    If you read some older texts it is not that unusual to see a description of a person as having ‘presence’ . I understand what that means and I guess if you think in the same vein as those for whom you carry high respect (maybe a school teacher, a theologian or a radical thinker of some sort) then you may be closer to recognising the breadth and scope of this phenomenon.

    • Ed

      I am often amazed by how quickly I pick up on things!. I have been blogging since April but just discovered yesterday that if I use the “Reply” function in my Email program when I get receive blog comments, two things happen. (1) My reply goes to the commenter via Email, and (2) The reply also appears in the comment section of my Blog post! Who would have thunk?! Previously, I have posted replies directly in the Blog. I am now living proof that old dogs can indeed learn new tricks!

      Now – to your comment: Most of the time I am convinced that all religion is nothing but superstitious nonsense. All of the time I believe that this world would be a much kinder, gentler place without any organized religions. For each and every one of them has made “love” and “hate” synonymous.

      But there are so many things in this universe that can not be explained by logic or science – and likely never will be. And atheism requires as much unquestioned faith as does belief. They certainly are equally unprovable. So, if you should inquire as to my beliefs, most times my response would be: “I don’t know. Beats the sh*t out of me!”

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